This picture was taken probably in 2006, we were actually at our first youth church retreat. We never took it seriously it was more for the hanging out part that we did it for.
See Michael and I have been a "perfect" couple to so many of those that know us from back then. Only those who were close knew of all the pain and drama we went through. Times to where I would never want to return. Keep in mind that in these days we weren't the man and woman of God that we are now. We solved our arguments much differently. It wasn't love it was obsession. It's only by the grace of God that we have come this far. I sat back as I looked through some of our pictures and in all of them we were always smiling (well at least I was) but inside we were dead. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally dead. Not knowing all the damage we were causing each other we continued to dig deeper.
You see we came from two different backgrounds. Mike came from the streets, parents who were married and lived most of their marriage as complete strangers. Me in the other hand was brought up by a single mother. Overprotected for the fear of her daughters future. Praying I wouldn't fall into her same steps which she began to see right before her eyes. When your young you think you know it all or you'll probably share the same mentality I had "let me learn my own lessons".
We caused each other so much pain and hate that the healing process was and continues to hurt. See God doesn't fix you, He makes you new. You have to be broken and be put back together to work the way He wants you too. You ask "how come you guys make it look so easy" ? Having no idea how many times we've wanted to call it quits and we have. But as we continued to be molded, I look back at these pictures and not one bit do I desire to repeat the same mistakes over and over. That my flesh has tried to get the best of me ? All the time. But the deeper you get into His presence. The more He shows me what is in store for me. That's what I just can't let go of. The pleasures you get in Jesus is nothing that can be compared. I guess you can call him my drug.
No, its not easy to wake up one day and change your lifestyle completely. From waking up with a hang over from the night before to being in church bright and early Sunday morning or worst going to church with a hang over. From getting the satisfaction from a blunt instead of His word. That's the high that will change your life for good.
But you say to yourself I can't walk into church like everything is okay when I know what I did the night before. Don't let the enemy continue to fill your head with lies. Jesus' last interest is in your actions. He wants your heart and if you can only offer it to Him and stop throwing it away in drugs, alcohol and sex you will see that there is more to life. Some have done this but struggle to keep consistent. The truth is the deeper you get in Him the angrier the devil gets. You see he realizes that there has been a seed of goodness planted in you and that you are no longer part of the million chained down people that are under his spell. So when you feel that you can't anymore know that there is something greater waiting for you. That is worth saying buy to the old you.
I haven't only taken a vow to my husband but to Jesus. That as long as He doesn't let go neither will I. My desire is for everyone of you to take a risk and give Him the chance to captivate your heart. Because no matter my circumstances my God will not forsake me. Hebrews 13:5-6 "Let your conduct be without covetousness, and be content with such things that you have, for he has said, 'I will never leave you, nor forsake you,' so that we may boldly say, 'The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do to me.'"
I pray that this small part of my testimony has blessed you and know that with what you've gone through, you will also bless many. Why am I still standing ? Because my God is good !
Keeping my faith.
Elsie.
